whatever it takes....

I have always believed that when it gets difficult to flow with the popular wave you can always spread your wild wings wide apart and fly away...... far far away from all the complications of this weirdly messed up world, far away from the useless formalities, meaningless bindings n every thing else that comes along....... . .

But i of course can't deny the brutal fact that it really does get a lil bit difficult to fly in the man's world... but thats alright you see... i have been stuck in this weird world for around 19 years now n along the way i have discovered many secret hideouts.... secret windows into a world of my own.. just like i have one right now hidden amongst the pages of Feynman lectures!!;-)

I really cant describe how damn exciting it has been for the last 1-2 chapters.... i finaly am down to the ninth chapter... n the quantum world really seems to come alive like anything.... finally i am seeing how the dynamic quantum mechanics is going to look like.... n it really can't get better then this....... . .

how the physical picture of the natural world can seem to be made up of many very different characteristics n events n how these completely different character bases can be very intricately connected... n why really do we need to make god play dice so that nature can be set free in the wild so that she can roam around freely in the rain forests of uncertainties.... n what exactly are these quantum uncertainties...how they are different from classical uncertainties.... n how when we try to understand one particular dimension or character of the physical picture... how the other characters get hidden within the dark regions of indistinguishably... n how the probabilities of these indistinguishable alternatives interfere to let the physical picture evolve with the flow of time.... oh yeah... it sure is ultimately awesome\m/

but it wasn't as easy as it seems... many times i got stuck in pages for days... trying to figure out how things are really happening n why the hell is Feynman molding the logic the way he is... many times he seems to have skipped certain otherwise not very observable logical reasons... n i had to dig deep to figure them out...

Its like feynman being one of the greatest theoretical physicists of all times is really trying to bring nature before us... but she is just way too shy to come n stand before kids like us... so you have to work hard... you have got to try to be a man enough just to get a glimpse of her running around wild in the quantum world........ . .

n many times i stumbled upon such beautiful sights that i can't just express in words... it felt as if

"oh wow... i am pretty sure the old guys dont know this about her!!!;-)"

this blog is called "his confessions" n you guys just dont know how much there really is to talk about....

how quantum uncertainties are not just different possibilities like classical uncertainties... but they are indistinguishabilities... the fact that the problem lies in the way we define these quantities... the fact that even though the conservation laws might seem to fall apart in the quantum world but you can develop them again from uncertainty principles... n how during evolution of a process you can incorporate the concept of indistinguishable paths into indistinguishable alternatives using the idea of quantum uncertainties n hence bring in the points of distinctness n dark regions of indistinguishability together into the same instantaneous picture for the probabilities to interfere symmetrically..... its just cant get wilder n better then this....

i just wish if only Feynman could be alive today n only if i could be a student in his college n not some stupid engineering colg like here... then i could ask him whether i am right.. were they really insightful glimpses into the natural world, was it really her or just someone else!!:P.......

But then again there are so many things i still am yet to figure out.... certain terms of the hamiltonian matrix is still lying deep lost covered by fog n i think i have some really cool ways to recover it back... ll try it out just tonight... n of course the fact there are some ideas about spin precession that arent clear yet... n about the main mystery that has been with us for a very long time now of how do the probabilities of indistinguishable paths really interfere.... yeah there's still a lot of work to do... I really have this dream that if only i could be more mathematically strong then i could re-model the space in a more symmetric way such that the uncertainty principles n the indistinguishable pictures are automatically incorporated... just something that came up from one of the thought experiments:P

but yeah,... i do know that there are lots of dreams waiting for me to go after them... n yeah, i ll chase them like anything.. n this time, this pointless world.. this ugly system just doent have what it takes to stop me...... 
Coz at the end of the day i know there's a very beautiful natural world out there.... outside my window.....
Coz i know she is still there.. waiting for me... n i ll do whatever it takes to to get to her..... . .