n sometimes when i try to look back at the days i left by.... i still see him in that silent corner of the classroom... sitting beside that large window.. staring at the world outside with a pair of open eyes... n yeah even though he didnt have any idea of how tough n brutal the world outside can be... but the fire within his eyes... was enough to show his aspirations... his dreams of going independent... of checking out the world out there... of discovering new horizons....
n even though he is just one of those characters who are walking away into that fog of my distorted memories.... but still dont know why i do share a strange connection... after all he is just me....
n just like everyone has their own childhood dreams.... i was totally obsessed with wings.... it used to feel as if someone have trapped us all in this plane... that this absence of wings was much more of a curse or something to us from above....
n still now i remember how mesmerizing it used to be to see those flocks of birds flying up above in the sky... n slowly how they used to get lost amongst the clouds.... as if they have escaped our world n have entered the other side....
i guess this obsession of wings n flight n.. independence was much more than just a dream or fantasy for me at that time.... but as i have left my childhood days behind... this silly lil question still persists somewhere within me.... n if someday i meet someone like god n all... i ll ask him why he didnt give us the wings... like why is it that we are meant to be enclosed within this two dimensional world... why is it that.. that very last degree of freedom is denied to us??...
[n yeah i do hope god is no biologist... then he might just make fun of a lil kid's question n then of course i would tell him to spare the kid the boring bla bla lecture on Darwin's theory that ll obviously follow.... funny, isnt it??.. darwin tried to understand god's ways... n now its turning the other way around... ]
but then again... those silly questions back from my boyhood days have taken all the new versions within me now.... now when i see a middle aged girl come n clean my hostel room... n when i m in a bus n see through the window that large slum of Delhi... when every time a kid comes n asks for a penny in the railway platform... i feel like asking is this world really independent?.... can a wing really come n blow away all the blackness in this world?.... i doubt...
n i guess every one will be having his own bad times... sometimes it used to feel as if it doesnt matter how much i try to break out of the cage... doesnt matter how hard i try... i ll still find them switching off the big bright sun... n then they ll paint the beautiful blue sky all black.... n might just take away all the nice stars left out in the blackness of the sky above... n the moment i ll be breaking out n spreading my beautiful white wings all around to take off... they ll cut the wind supply... if you dont give air... it doesnt matter how hard i flap my wings.... i wont be getting any reaction from the air around to get the lift.... if only there could be a bit more wind beneath my wings...... . .
but i guess life comes up with its own challenges n its own tests.... n may be they wont give us the air to fly high... may be they dont want us to reach the other side.... but if we work on our own... if we improve our ideas... our skills... our ways...if we believe in our passion.. then no one can stop us from getting our own piece of the sky.... n thats what i learnt from that lil kid sitting at that corner... that the wings are not meant to fly in the sky in the world around us... but its for the world within us.... that its meant to discover ourselves in their broken mirror...
that it doesnt matter how hard they try.... the wings are wild n ll be wild forever..... . .
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