The exam times are buzzing strong at IIT and life has been pretty laidback lately, funny right?? Even though I know it shouldnt be. I mean cmon, Its the exams.. 'EXAMS!!'.. hehe, I actually did try that before my mirror today morning, screaming at myself! but i guess a few things about oneself hardly ever changes. I am still the laidback, calm, concentrated slow poke while i am studying. Depends actually, if its something as deep as Quantum, i 'cannot' make myself not care about the fact that whether i am doing, if i am doing it right and solving the problems and if the ideas are resonating n all. Mostly many of them dont and the questions are kept hanging n I always make sure i get back to them!:D I mean thats the whole fun of it, good detectives never let go of their unsolved cases!;-)
And now to talk about some of those worthless crap that iit makes us study. If I am studying boring useless stuffs like solid state n all then its more like I am dragging a pregnant elephant which is currently sleeping on my couch! seriously, God save the 'elephant';..
(i really should have said 'god save me' but then i am pretty sure shitty courses need to be saved from my part coz anyway i am not getting high grades in them!)
(i really should have said 'god save me' but then i am pretty sure shitty courses need to be saved from my part coz anyway i am not getting high grades in them!)
Its just so hard to motivate myself. I guess its more because the artificial world and its man made artifacts have always failed to develop a connection with me..
the marks.. (Yeah 'get as much as you can', 'top the class', 'medals and honours' and 'going places'... why the hell is it so difficult to make myself realize that at times you shouldnt just study just for the fun of it!! augh! )
the ranks.. (competetions. me and competetions have shared a life long rivalry. I just dont care about it, you know; going out there and proving a point; i guess its much more important to be a better performer than what you were a second ago than trying to beat someone to the dust in someway n show off...)
the money (my wallet is like an alive free creature on its own!.. how money goes in and how it goes out, i hardly ever get a clue! i know its embarassing and i need to get a hang on this problem but lately i am the one hanging and getting broke and hanging again and getting broke again..... i guess it has to do with the fact that i find the money obsessed world to be pretty stupid to dedicate their entire lives just to have an artificial fat bank balance(-_-)
the status (OH IITian!, yeag right, studied six months in nitc and got my ass imported in iitd and if thats why you need my autograph, guess what? go ahead and make a fool of yourself!)
the attitude (I guess it always boils down to this, how much you can 'show off', how much you want people to care n how many people are looking at you n stupid crap of same sorts...)
the future (this i guess is one solid point but i have never been futuristic.. i have always been living in the moment, its just so damn hard to actually make myself think ahead and give up on the present for the future... )
and i guess thats it.. all of these things that actually motivate people, just dont motivate me!
I mean i do love studying, you know; but i guess i have always been driven by a deep passion than a crystalline motivation. And now that i look at it and try to understand why, i do get that a lot of it has to do with my empty childhood and its innocently obnoxious ways of holding a deep corner in my thoughts... more on that later, some other time may be...
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