Nature and me...

through the colored windows.... the eyes that try to see through...
with their own colored torches when they try to see whats true...
through their own very eyes when they try to find her....
i find it difficult, you tell me.. is she really there??..

is she really there or is she really aware of the eyes peeping through...
is she really there or is she made up by the eyes that try to look into...
is she really never meant to be played around with a dice....
coz even now seeing her free in the wild makes me feel nice...


but then again i am not an einstein nor a feynman nor any new james bond...
i am just a kid with a few dreams of staring at the eyes of that blond....
i wonder if that girl of my dreams will ever get to know me...
Coz nature is beautiful and that is where i want to be...

Not an iitian.....

there are things that i don't understand... there are things i understand but i can't.. i just can't realize... there are things i think i understand but deep inside it feels that whateva it is... its still aint that clear... n then finally there are a few things that i know and i understand but i don't want to believe in.... 

n one such thing is the one called the "tag"... yup you guessed it right.. the tag of an "iitian"

they consider it to be a very big thing to be an iitian... n its there every where....

the concept is there in iit, in iitians, in the people outside, in my own parents, in i guess the whole of the country n may be to a certain extend in me too... but the BIG question is why is it like that??.. why has the world gone this crazy about iitians??... what is it that has set all the science students (except the bio guys) to go this damn mad to get themselves beeping inside the radar of iit??

N its not that i dont know what you will say... you will say "oh well, thats so easy... iit is one of the best colleges of india... ounce you go in, your life is pretty much set on a highway.. you will end up with a good job with a nice package... n besides, Do you even know how many people try to get in iit??... there are more than 5 lakh people who try to get in iit... if you are getting in then obviously you are one of the bright kids who happen to be the 'chosen ones' "

So yeah its kinda obvious what you will say and cutting out the worthless crap lets come down to the points... the 1st point is this that the prospect is good.... n the 2nd point is that its hard to get....

Now personally speaking i really dont think i have the sort of stand of going against these points coz i was just like you all ounce n before i could even understand or even question the basic idea of what is this thing called ''understanding'' they taught me its big to be an iitian.... n since i myself is a student of iit its not going to put much of an impact to say it in 1st person.... so here is an example... or may be you can consider it a story... n the moral of the story... well, thats on you.. whichever way you might like to take it....

"Sachin Tendulkar".... yup, he is an awesome batsman... when he plays the whole country watches but tell me something... 

is he BIG just coz you and another 1 billion people is looking at him??... 

is he BIG coz there are many people who also want to be like him (needless to say that people want to become iitians these days not cricketers or artists or physicists or anything) 

is he BIG coz he is earning a lot and even if he retires he can live his entire life on a bed of roses??.... 

when you watch him play do you ask yourself in which cricket coaching centre he has learned to play or has ''passed out'' from??... 

Say now i rip him off the blue shirt of Indian cricket team... say i delete all his statistics and records.... say i change his name from Sachin to something else... anything like say, "Dhirendra!!"....

and i make him play in his own backyard...
Do you think the quality of his cover drive will change??... 

Well, i still find it difficult to believe in the fact that the so called "practical" world is like the way it is... whatever it is.. but personally speaking it was just a year of studies that got me in iit and i dont think i deserve to live my entire life signing autographs for dumb people just coz of that.... if the world has to know me someday.... 

I want them to know my name.



 

Confessions of a bad detective....

i was wrong about the fact that quantum uncertainties aren't just possibilities but its the indistinctness within the system.... i know i should have been more careful and insightful but i really can't help it now... i have been thinking like this for a very long time say around the 8th chapter of Feynman lectures and now i am down to the 10th chapter and while understanding the idea of tunelling i have figured i had made a mistake while concluding the idea... 
It really does feel bad.. i mean i really thought i was getting close to something........:-/

 But i am still hopeful... i didn't quite do the whole thing wrong... i just didn't end the whole analysis with creating an abstract picture that generalizes the outcomes of the Stern - Gerlach experiment... 
the conclusion that when one particular character get distinct then the other characters get lost within indistinctness is not wrong... its true and its supported by the mathematics in the book.... but it still doesn't quite give a 'complete' interpretation for the uncertainty principle.... the indistinctness will develop and the probabilities will interfere but the indistinctness itself isn't the uncertainty that we analyze.. the uncertainty is the net deviation in the distribution n indistinctness decides whether the probabilities will interfere n what sort of distributions will arise.... they are connected but not the same....
the conclusion was incomplete... it should have been that
"in order to understand the quantum uncertainties of a certain character we should first recognize that it will have got to develop indistinctness...."

So it all comes down to this... all those attempts of understanding the indistinctness in the characters in real space and time weren't totally useless... but the uncertainty principle requires much more to completely realize what it really says and why it says the things that it says... may be that was just a tiny lil step forward...:-/


And now since the ideas of indistinctness has gotten weak, i couldn't think much in the line of superimposing the waves  and tracking down the periodicity coz i felt that since distinctness is a binary term i ll be able to understand distorted indistinctness in terms of periodicity... but this whole part of superimposing the waves and tracking down the particle by understanding the time varying probabilities has completely turned out to be a failure.... fuck...

Apart from that i really don't think the whole thing for the last two three days have been a complete failure... i have been able to generalize mam's explanation of tunelling by uncertainty principle to a wider perspective... i applied it to the electron diffraction experiment in the position-momentum structure rather than her time-energy structure in step potential.... and the results were beautiful....
Now i know that in a single picture even when you work with different uncertainty distributions the physical realities will always converge... that was a nice clue to may be something much deeper out there....
yeah, that was a pretty nice discovery even though i don't understand completely what significance it really holds!!:P

finally i have got to say that it does feel bad when a wrong idea is taken forward... i mean i really really thought i was closing in to something but it all just went off from the track but then again i wasn't completely wrong...  and some of the important ideas are still right that's why....
i guess thats what physics is all about.. you learn from your mistakes and you develop within... but whateva it is.. it really does get depressing at times... i can still feel the anti-depressants inside my head... feels like someone has sprayed mint all over my brain!!....: )

and for the time being i guess i should just stop being a detective and become a student again... so by this time when i am figuring out these two three pages of Feynman lectures on a simple two state system of H2+ ion (feynamn is a true magician... i mean he generalizes a few ideas within this example and finally shows how interactions like strong or electromagnetic can be explained on the same line... wow!!pure genius;-) ), 
so where was i??... oh yeah till i figure this whole thing out completely i ll stop reading further of Feynman's lectures and concentrate on the courses... i have got to be more strong in maths.. n yup, that ll only happen when i ll actually start doing it!!:P... 
and yeah whateva goes i have got to drag my ass to 8.3 pointers this sem if i have to keep the hope of foreign exchange alive.... fuck man, why the hell is this world so freaking tough!!...

For a piece of the sky.....

outside my window i see a new horizon...
a new world i can't wait to see....
a new way to let the God see His Frankenstein going free.....
Coz i am done with His rules, His ways n His fights....
Coz its time to give the world it's last sight of flight.....

Are you all looking for a new revolution??....
Coz yeah this one is a lie....
Are you all looking for a new complication??...
Or you all are just way too shy....
Its time my people to burn out bright... its time to set everything right....
its time to break out and see the sadist God cry...

Run and tell the angels that every thing's finally going to be alright....
Run and tell the world that finally someone's breaking out to the other side....
I want you all to set your eyes out in the skies.....
I want you all to set your eyes as the last one of His devils dies.....
I want you all to relive this moment on and on....
Coz finally the wings are going to have what it has always longed....
Coz finally one of you is going to fly...
finally someone of you is going to have his own piece of the sky............... . .

My walk through the infinite corridor....

the night breeze was blowing by through the window in front of my table in my room n the moon light had set the faint fall of fog glittering white all around....
i have never understood why i have always loved fog so much right from my childhood... every time back in agt when the winters used to go intense n mom used to shut the sliders down, even then i used to close in to the glass to peep outside.. just to see the white screen of fog outside my window...
it used to feel as if there is a beautiful world out there... a very beautiful mysterious world beyond that white screen of fog........ . .  
n even though i still have that child somewhere within who loves staring at fog but there are times when the fascination of knowing the unknown n seeing the unseen can take you to a land of confusing yet addictive frustrations... n being in pretty much a similar stand i switched off my lamp n chose to take a solitary walk outside, at the wing....


It was around two at night... the guys in the wing n pretty much the whole hostel had set their sails for a land into their own worlds of dreams leaving me somewhere behind in this monotonous world of consciousness... but i guess they couldn't help it either for my dreams had already been haunted with a world of uncertainties.. indistinctness.... n the so called real n yet so damn unreal quantizations.....

As i kept walking along the wing through the corridor it felt at one time that something was bugging me( or my mind:P)... so i turned around..

well at the first sight i saw nothing unusual... green doors with room no.s given in yellow plates occurring in both sides at around a gap of every 5 meters.... nothing unusual..
but dont know why.... dont know how it really felt as if my mind was literally taken by a storm.. 
a really awesome idea had come to my mind!!... 
what if this corridor could be an infinite corridor (wasn't that tough coz anyway i wasn't able to see the end of our wing in the dark)... what if the green doors do appear but this time they appear without any room no.s.... what if i really am walking through an infinite corridor decorated with that perfect symmetry then will i be able to take a walk through it??... will it be possible to travel through??


well, from the present laws of mechanics there's nothing unusual going on.... of course i can... but then again i am just traveling from one set of completely identical points to another....(the region between the doors)... after i have crossed one door i am literally back to my earlier place again because there's just no way to distinguish.... the indistinctness rules over... i just can't tell between whether i have moved ahead or have returned to the original place where i started........ there's no technical or mathematical way to tell...
of course now if you fix a frame n start numbering all the identical rooms then its a different case as then i have to enter the realms of the classical world with classical mechanics considered legal but i guess nature doesn't want us to distinguish artificially between her one part of the symmetric space from other.....  n yeah i know it sounds a lil weird... it did so even when i thought about it but it just happened to be a logical conclusion along the way....


but there's a huge problem left with this thought experiment.... the symmetry had just occurred because of the likeness of the neighboring space... well, the real uncertainty principle has got to be more deep... so then i felt i shouldn't just think of the walk through the corridor just as a walk through space but also a walk into time... the more i walk into the space inside the corridor.. the more i flow with time and walk into my future.....
So, now what it means is that this time if i walk with a certain particular speed the green doors keep occurring at regular intervals in space along the side of the corridor and hence the symmetry in space-time is actually developed by my own constant speed!!....
But then again if i am completely sure about my definite speed... more technically my momentum, i am completely lost into a dark world with indistinguishable positions...... i just can't tell where i am!!!....
its turns out that its just not possible to understand position and momentum together.... the problem is not in the experiments.. but its in the way how the classically obsessed minds have designed these quantities of position and momentum, the problem lies in the very definition itself....


i wonder if this can be a plausible interpretation for the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics.... 
but whatever it is i still know that there's still a lot of scope left.... there might be a better n yet a much deeper way of  understanding the indistinguishability... the indistinctness of quantum uncertainties... ...
i know, i just believe that there is still a lot of depth left in this amazing quantum world n i just can't resist going after it.... may be someday i ll be able  to understand it completely;-)


n till then, well...  i guess i have got to keep walking the infinite corridor... in search of that world beyond that white screen of fog lying outside my window....... . . 

whatever it takes....

I have always believed that when it gets difficult to flow with the popular wave you can always spread your wild wings wide apart and fly away...... far far away from all the complications of this weirdly messed up world, far away from the useless formalities, meaningless bindings n every thing else that comes along....... . .

But i of course can't deny the brutal fact that it really does get a lil bit difficult to fly in the man's world... but thats alright you see... i have been stuck in this weird world for around 19 years now n along the way i have discovered many secret hideouts.... secret windows into a world of my own.. just like i have one right now hidden amongst the pages of Feynman lectures!!;-)

I really cant describe how damn exciting it has been for the last 1-2 chapters.... i finaly am down to the ninth chapter... n the quantum world really seems to come alive like anything.... finally i am seeing how the dynamic quantum mechanics is going to look like.... n it really can't get better then this....... . .

how the physical picture of the natural world can seem to be made up of many very different characteristics n events n how these completely different character bases can be very intricately connected... n why really do we need to make god play dice so that nature can be set free in the wild so that she can roam around freely in the rain forests of uncertainties.... n what exactly are these quantum uncertainties...how they are different from classical uncertainties.... n how when we try to understand one particular dimension or character of the physical picture... how the other characters get hidden within the dark regions of indistinguishably... n how the probabilities of these indistinguishable alternatives interfere to let the physical picture evolve with the flow of time.... oh yeah... it sure is ultimately awesome\m/

but it wasn't as easy as it seems... many times i got stuck in pages for days... trying to figure out how things are really happening n why the hell is Feynman molding the logic the way he is... many times he seems to have skipped certain otherwise not very observable logical reasons... n i had to dig deep to figure them out...

Its like feynman being one of the greatest theoretical physicists of all times is really trying to bring nature before us... but she is just way too shy to come n stand before kids like us... so you have to work hard... you have got to try to be a man enough just to get a glimpse of her running around wild in the quantum world........ . .

n many times i stumbled upon such beautiful sights that i can't just express in words... it felt as if

"oh wow... i am pretty sure the old guys dont know this about her!!!;-)"

this blog is called "his confessions" n you guys just dont know how much there really is to talk about....

how quantum uncertainties are not just different possibilities like classical uncertainties... but they are indistinguishabilities... the fact that the problem lies in the way we define these quantities... the fact that even though the conservation laws might seem to fall apart in the quantum world but you can develop them again from uncertainty principles... n how during evolution of a process you can incorporate the concept of indistinguishable paths into indistinguishable alternatives using the idea of quantum uncertainties n hence bring in the points of distinctness n dark regions of indistinguishability together into the same instantaneous picture for the probabilities to interfere symmetrically..... its just cant get wilder n better then this....

i just wish if only Feynman could be alive today n only if i could be a student in his college n not some stupid engineering colg like here... then i could ask him whether i am right.. were they really insightful glimpses into the natural world, was it really her or just someone else!!:P.......

But then again there are so many things i still am yet to figure out.... certain terms of the hamiltonian matrix is still lying deep lost covered by fog n i think i have some really cool ways to recover it back... ll try it out just tonight... n of course the fact there are some ideas about spin precession that arent clear yet... n about the main mystery that has been with us for a very long time now of how do the probabilities of indistinguishable paths really interfere.... yeah there's still a lot of work to do... I really have this dream that if only i could be more mathematically strong then i could re-model the space in a more symmetric way such that the uncertainty principles n the indistinguishable pictures are automatically incorporated... just something that came up from one of the thought experiments:P

but yeah,... i do know that there are lots of dreams waiting for me to go after them... n yeah, i ll chase them like anything.. n this time, this pointless world.. this ugly system just doent have what it takes to stop me...... 
Coz at the end of the day i know there's a very beautiful natural world out there.... outside my window.....
Coz i know she is still there.. waiting for me... n i ll do whatever it takes to to get to her..... . .