The Insomniac speaks...

a night.. a day... a night... a day again...

the ' normal ' world has this perception that it is with this mild flow of the river of time that the earth keeps going around its axis, that the skies change their flavor every ounce in a while.

Well, that's what the normal world thinks.... they think coz they believe that they are right...  which they think coz they know their fellow normal friends think the same.

If you ask me i feel like laughing at the innocent world and its innocent beliefs.... these classic minds are so much obsessed with their own limited perceptions that they have no idea of how weird the world, of how ruthless the world out there can be.

Have you ever met an insomniac.... not all get the chance to meet one in their life time. Yeah... i am.. i am an insomniac....

n i have been like this for the last 5 years. And for the last five years the earth has not been spinning like its " normal " self for me....

Whats day... whats night... whats a sunset... n whats a sun rise.... n how exactly my river of time has dried out......

i.. i dont know.... . .

sleep which happens to be a normal part of your life like brushing your teeth or taking a shit is being deleted ounce and for all from mine.... And sometimes when the sleepless nerves get drowned in a painful weakness.... i still dont get to set my sail for a world into the sub conscious part of my mind. I still dont get to see the dreams you are very fond of. I still dont get to meet a nightmare that sets your fear-center on fire... coz. unlike you.. I am no more more having a nightmare with a pair of closed eyes tucked in inside the blanket..... i am living it.

And as the weakness keeps getting higher and higher its more like fainting than sleeping... its like you are fainted with your eyes open. And then you close them just to believe that you are asleep but the whirling fan still screeches.... the blowing wind still keeps whistling through the cracked window..... the pain inside still keeps screaming like somebody has set its balls rolling on the ground......you dont know when again your eyes ll go conscious..... might be in the bus stop.... in the exam hall..... in the bath room..... anywhere.... everywhere....

Unlike them who get to drift into their subconscious world  regularly every 12 hours, I am living it inside a mad dance in between the conscious and subconscious parts of my mind. The sense of time has completely lost its meaning now. You believe in that mild flow of time coz you get to perceive that mild, regular reality every ounce in a while. I haven't perceived that sort of reality for a very long time.

And even though they dont believe in me but thats alright. I know they wont be able to believe that there are multiple realities which are coexisting together, that the " real "world we see is nothing but a reflection of the world we have within us.... they dont know that its not that there are 600 crore people living in this world..... rather there are actually 600 crore worlds.... 600 crore realities which are coexisting together in a planet.

N you might think that i am just trying to be a sexy narrator with a few literal touches here and there... well, if you do so, i don't care coz i know the mind listening to me now is just another of those ' normal ' minds and i have had it with you all.Whatever i perceive n whatever i know are very much real.... i feel it as real as your rear end is feeling the chair right now......

the point is....

"Sir, the psychiatrist would like to see you in 5 minutes..... "

i was writing my blog. but i closed my laptop at ounce.

The next instant my eyes opened, the fat psychiatrist was staring at me with his bubble big eyes.

"So Mr. shditrodeep (Russians find it hard to call my name)... Wat shims to be the praablem?? "

" a distorted sleep cycle... and even though sometimes when i feel weak  i find it very difficult to diffuse into the subconscious part from the conscious part of my mind.... its as if i am lost inside my own mind and somehow, someway i have lost that happy subconscious part along the way..... "

when i looked up i saw him already writing down the medicines.....

"If you dont want to listen then why do you even ask?? "

"Waat... i understaandh thaat you are having sleeep praablems... (laughs) "

"Why should you Mr. Dmitri.... I am sitting in a seat where everyone is by default a mad guy... people who are never meant to be heard...... "

"iiths naat like thaaat ser...... ( n was saying other senseless stuff ) "

"do you know why I am having this problem... like whats the reason behind?? "

"hah hah hah..... Mishther shditrodeep, you are a phydzishist... i am a shychiatrist.... i daont care about reasaons like you.... i care about cures..... "

"yeah right..... cures "

I have liked cold face characters in Hollywood ever since i was a lil kid....

James Bond, Wolverine , Jason Bourne and even Batman!!! and thats why i thought i ll try sketching a character on my own.....

and i know i am no writer but writing really is fun n i guess its a really nice way to break the monotony ova hea.....

n just to let you know that i havent sketched a character till now other than me(all my notes are in 1st person!!!). This happens to be my 1st time... so do go easy on me;-)