Amongst the friendly strangers...

'His confessions' never really had a straight from the heart true confession till now mostly because  its writer is a careless old spoiled brat who felt of giving his blog a sexy name (don't know about you but i like it!) and never really cared to do justice to it.

But i guess every dog has his day and every careless dude has his day of 'enlightenment' (I am totally throwing around words here)... So here I am.. sharing a 'truth' of my life.... 

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(You can shut your big eyes now!! Nothing like I am a secret spy or sex addict or anything:D )

So last to last week I went to AIIMS and the psychiatrists there said that i don't have a major depressive disorder or anything like that but there's a rare personality disorder in me and then the dudes said a few things that i always felt I had known....

I have an introverted world with an extroverted expression; 
Its more of a rare genetic coding thing where some of my personality traits are from my dad who happens to be a gentle, nice, easy-going introvert and a some others are from my mom who is a loud, beautiful, bengali extrovert.... And i know many of you would be thinking that bleh! what's there in that! nobody is a pure extrovert or a pure introvert..true 

But the thing is its never a crazy mixture of colors.The shades always happen to compliment each other and get along. Mine is more of a bunch of long haired guys putting on black,red,yellow,sky paints in their hair and head banged before a large canvas.

At times i feel my life is like this large air-port where I meet all these different, differently amazing strangers. Most of the times i talk to them, get to know them a little bit, share a few nice moments and then they take off towards their way and i take off towards mine. Its kind of hard to explain but the truth is just as easily as I can make friends, talk to people, spend friendly time is as hard for me to get into any sort of deeper involvement with anybody. Its more like 'Hi, hey... how is life?.. and this and that.. " and then its always fun for about 15 minutes but I rarely get to go beyond that. Many times on a Friday evening i would like to hang out but its just that i know everyone equally closely and no one is close enough to call and share a drink with.

And I have tried everything that i could... 

sometimes they would include me in a group and as they do in someway or the other i find them increasingly boring and kind of left out so I will just get drunk, leave their table and think of some equation or just go and talk to some hot stranger standing at the bar table and flirt around...

sometimes I try to cling on to someone just to learn how people really make good friends and eventually i end up feeling trapped and suffocating within... sometimes when people try to cling on to me I always end up taking a nice exit neither leaving behind a bad impression nor getting into any sort of complications.

Truth is I guess i know more people in IIT Delhi than anyone else! and then there are so many good friends who know me too.. starting from South Indians to Hindi speakers to seniors to juniors to exchange students, PHD guys, mess workers, profs whose courses i have taken to the ones i haven't, security guards (you would be surprised, there's this guard who caught me smoking and ended up smoking with me! :D )

In short its like a crazy mixture all together... 

Truth is I do get along with all types of people and i know i end up being a nice person for them too (most of them) but still most of the time at the end of the classes, its always me alone sharing my loneliness with the open sky above the BlockII roof... And yes, it does get real depressing at times, staying alive amongst all these friendly strangers but i guess some nice day I will learn to stay alive as me and make peace with the colorful canvas that my world is supposed to be........ . .