No way to sail across

With Jee I thought i had flushed a big part of my unwanted childhood right outside of my life, my mind and definitely out of my sight. But a part of it still keeps coming back to haunt me and its as annoying as ever. And how it all adds up to the context, well, one thing that i was sure i had got rid off was my fear of exams... 

I mean c'mon IIT JEE happens to be one of those exams where you need to set your exam strategies at the first front of the defense. Concepts, Speed, Ideas, Stream of thoughts... they all come second, right??.. and after I dragged myself through the entire 13th year with so many test papers and mock tests and stop clocks and omr sheets, i really dont like believing in the fact that deep inside i am admitting it that i am still allergic to exams...

But as a matter of fact technically it isnt even fear, its more like 'hatred'!

I mean i have always hated exams.. right from the days of the shame and horror of taking my 50s and 60s to my over-expecting mom.. from the days i started loving maths to the ones even when i was preparing for jee...

Deep inside i have always lacked the 'sense of purpose' i mean i do 'know' that my grades matter, my exams do matter but its just that it has always been hard to realize it..

I mean why the fuck am i supposed to be bothered about what profs. and the system thinks about me, right??

Why should i be doing shit courses that i dont like?? Why should i be stuck in a system that i dont like?? WHY??

Wish the world could be a little bit more free. Study as you like, live as you like, solve problems as you like, think as you like... besides exams always disturb your normal study times and the whole momentum of your thought flows..

Frankly i sometimes feel as if i am born in the wrong world.. more like in the wrong island, worse, there's no way to sail across....

P.S gotta go... theres a lot of shit problems awaiting me.. minors kick in on 3rd (-_-)~~