Ambiguity

I was happy
I was a happy sperm when i won the race.
Scared, i cried like hell
Seeing the old nurse's tired face.
I was a dreamer
I dreamed of free wings and a newer horizon,
the world on the other side and a bright new sun.
But then hey, 
They never taught me how to dream,
A lil too grey.. A lil less did i say..
That their reality always lacked the cream.

I was a traveller
I travelled through the stagnant planes, ups, downs
Pretty strangers who walked by in glossy gowns..
But then this heart that i carried along 
Always bore this undefined , unrealized ambiguity
A soul drifting by in sheer anonymity..

I am still me
Anonymous, obscure, confused..
and yet there's always one more dream to see
One more highway that wants me to flee.
And why so hard is it even now
That this empty soul cant give up on reality?..

The Empty Dance Floor...

I sketched her and i sketched her nice
With empty eyes and unreal lies.
Empty dance floors and forbidden rythms
Confused me to uncanny rhymes.
I stared at her and i wont anymore
I find she never was singing the single lore
But i still stand here beside the empty floor
With a single heart that wants to soar.
Man, i should have known she wasnt single
Never was the friendly stranger up to mingle
But then again the poor boy walks
and he walks away from the empty dance floor
With piercing eyes set across the big blue shore.

The cigarette burnt, the dj stopped
The girls left and reality dropped
The smoke cleared
and i could finally see whats left
moonlit, my corner seat
did finally get me in its debt..
The last sip of my scotch that i did save
Didnt quite save me anymore...
But nevertheless i did embrace the empty dance floor..... . .


PS: Next blog post would be on my project and physics... I have had it with stupid despo chick-hunting times...... -_-

The North Indian Algorithm of Having a ' g f '

Reason why i am still single is this--> (so dont fucking ask me again why i am c-| )

North Indian Algorithm Of Getting Girls

Phase1
1. Sit amongst your friends and spot a chick and lock your target on her like an eternal despo.
2. Stalk her on fb, follow her around and eventually you get to know her friends n movements n all..
3. Find a guy friend of hers whom you got to know from 2 and make him a mutual one. 
4.Use him to get her in a pre-planned situation with your mutual. Eventually you drop by and make him introduce you to her and vice versa.  

Now the poor giirl thinks you are not a creepy despo (which you are) and you just 'happened' to meet her just like one of her favorite 'bollywood' movies..

Phase2
5. Become a blood sucking fevicol and attend her hang outs and keep the mutual guy pretty close.
6. Eventually you exchange no.s with her and start whats called the 'phone complications'... Through this you go from 'friend' to 'close friend' to 'closer friend' to more... This part basically includes cheesy smses and stuff.
7. And finally when you have fed her with enough complications to completely leave her confused, you find the right time and then do what they call 'propose' 
(weird! people here dont know the difference between 'propose' which is used as in marraige proposals and 'confess' which i guess is the right word but then hey, you cant help it, its north india sweetheart..)
8. If she accepts it you take her out on a coffee and if she doesnt you go back to your pile of single friends and bitch about her and say shit and look for your next target.

So, thats how it works over here. Not that i hate north indians (i actually have a lot of good friends, guys and girls) but frankly speaking, wearing mini skirts and getting drunk doesnot show you are modernised. In the rest of the world the algorithm is simple.
1. You walk up to a pretty girl and strike a conversation.
2. and then If she is interesting (which she might or might not be,), ask her out for a coffee.
3. Take her around and if you guys are compatible and commute then move on from 'dating' to a 'relationship' or else retire back and stay friends and part ways.... 

See, its that simple for the rest of the world but that aint gonna work here, why?
coz..
1. guys are 'afraid' of girls. (in a mall, i asked a friend of mine to go hit on a girl, he told me he almost had a heart attack while walking upto her! :D )
2. girls get freaked out by strangers. (A friend of mine who is a girl, told me to keep chatting with this chick for '2 months' before i ask her to come out for a coffee! :D )

Even though its all weird from an alien eye but this puzzling society is also self consistent and logical. The girl is never really sure if he is going to get drunk and stick a fucking rod inside her crotch (Delhi rape case... you never hear these anywhere else....) or creep her out in some other of his exotic ways...
And even the guy has to fake the entire thing and make that classic 'bollywood' entry (so that the girl doesnt consider him to be a psycho creepy rapist or something, which clearly he is not mosta the time)... and then pretend to be a casual innocent friend who sometimes looses it and acts funny and confusing (thats how you incorporate the  cheesy smses n everything..) and finally hit her before she knows it. If you dont fake it, she ll freak out.... and if you arent smart enough you might just scare the girl away.

Not all the guys make it though, most of the time the guys after the entire of his 4 months' struggle just get 'bro-zoned' , 'friend-zoned' n all types of other special 'zones' are there. 
Many times the guy infatuates so much along the way coz notice the guy is after the girl like mad for such a long time and that too even without knowing her that well. And its because of this heavy infatuation that at the end when she says 'no', he will finally get to know that he has a pair of balls hanging around his dick and how he expresses this feeling is by 'bitching' about her, saying random shit about her n all( not all of them do that though)... many times guys are even found commiting suicides, crying like a fat cry baby n many other types of simmilar activities are being seen in heart broken north indian guys.. (notice, all that for some pretty face that he didnt even get to know that well on the 1st place...)

Weird part of the story is this that this never ending cheesy story based on a 'despo' guy faking it all along and a 'proud' girl daydreaming in some unrealistic bollywood land is called 'love'.
Seriously, give me a break..... -__-

Me? well, err..

Hi.. i am Chitrodeep. Friends call me chitro.

I am a physics student at IIT Delhi doing my btech in engineering physics. Becoming a theoretical physicist someday is a dream but for now i am just enjoying the whole drive on the highway towards it. As every chapter and every day unfolds i get to see nature coming alive a li'l bit more and nothing gives a man more pleasure than getting to know why nature is the way she is.. So, yeah physics is a passion that defines me but then its not the only one.

Apart from physics I also like cartooning, traveling , drinking red wine, smoking Davidoff Classics, meeting new strangers, seeing new places (i strive for change and to be on the road in search for newer horizons; to somewhere away from any given boring social nest is what i am made for! 6-j )
I love listening to Nirvana, Iron and Wine, Fossils etc; Favorite pass time's got to be 
1. sketching nudes (always had a mysterious appreciation and attraction towards the feminine form!O_o) 
2. reading Calvin and Hobbes strips. (Bill Watterson sure has given the world an amazing window to escape into a world of a small lonely kid and his imaginary friend, 'a tiger'! and what he has done will echo through eternity.)

Other than that i am a pretty chilled out guy who likes taking life as it comes and leave it by as it passes away. For me living the dreams is so much more important than seeing them and waiting for them to come true.
At one point of my life i never thought writing could ever be my cup of tea but i guess life truly is a wonderful journey of self discoveries. So here i am, looking forward to read, write n share..;-)

Having said all that i would have to say that i am still on the process of self discovery and selfish excursions; I still dont know completely who Chitrodeep is and how i can expand his horizons more in newer dimensions. I still dont know how much more wind his good ol' wings need beneath them and how much more storm they would love to challenge. So yeah, the quest is ' O N ' babes..;-) 

I stare at it and i decide to stand by it, my good ol' painting

It still seems some shades are given while some still need making.... 

wow! writing about yourself was sorta...  part creepy and part fun! 3:D~

FB Expired Quotes - Part II

' To those who do not know mathematics it is difficult to get across a real feeling as to the beauty, the deepest beauty of nature; If you want to learn about nature, to appreciate nature, it is necessary to understand the language that she speaks in '
- Richard Feynman

"Theres real poetry in real world, science is the poetry of reality"
- Richard Dawkins

"A man who knows everything. This, reportedly, was my reply to a school teacher asking me what I'd like to become when I grow up. I was eight years old, or thereabouts.... And what I really meant was 'scientist', someone who unravels the secrets of the fundamental Laws of Nature."
- Gerardus 't Hooft

" Keep up some kind of minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all "
- Feynman



_________________

' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6xLYt265ZM '
_______

' Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. '
- Marianne Williamson

“A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors.”
- Gautama Buddha

" Mind is everything. Every thought you create manifests itself in real world; If you didnt achieve something you strive for - you simply didnt believe in it enough "
- Mario Novak

“Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality.”
- Bruce Lee

'Just being a mediocre driver has never been my ambition. That's not my style.'
- Michael Schumarcher

'I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve...'
- Christiano Ronaldo

"If you are going through hell, keep going'
- Winston Churchill

'To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.'
- Bill Watterson

' Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts'
- Albert Einstein

' Dream as if you ll live forever, live as if you ll die today '
- James Dean

' Watching the smoke dance out of a cigarette is like watching a girl dance out of her dress.' 
- Terri Guillemets

' I was working and going to school seven days a week. I was watching a lot of adult films, and to put it simply, I saw a blank canvas that needed to be painted. '
- Sasha Grey
____________
_________________________________





' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giV1h4iwFVo '
- Iron and Wine



" The finest day I ever had was when tomorrow never came."
- Kurt Cobain



“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.”
- Calvin And Hobbes




_____i guess, that would be it.. 'the end '_____





Oh WAIT!!

"http://kothaosur.blogspot.in/2012/04/amen-lyrics-bedroom-2012-rupam.html  :-j "
- Rupam Islam

With My Broken Pencil..

Like sea shells washed by the sea
Like two random leaves of the same tree
Like a breeze blows by in an empty street
Tell me how likely it is really
That one shell would set another free

In some random corner of a random table
On some random day, in our reading room
I happened to see a strange wild flower bloom.
Three tables away, three galaxies apart
The three seconds that you stole from me
I still wonder why they walked away with such glee...

But then again who really knows
A few missed heartbeats
Or just my stupid y-chromosomes.  
Guess i would just let it be
Two random shells lost somewhere in the sea
An unknown breeze that just had to flee...

But I would like to tell you this though
That nature and her games of dice
Or any of her randomized equations
At times just stop seeming nice....
In some random corner of a random table
I see you take a sip of coffee, real casual
Only this time you stared back, deep and stable.
As i sit here and sketch you with my broken pencil
How should i tell you how i feel..
Never knew a coffee could set a thirsty lion free
A dream inside a cage that might never get to be. 





PS: dont worry, I am still the good'ol dude and not some romantic shithead.. its just a phase n it will pass..... ;-)